Thứ Ba, 31 tháng 1, 2012

i still have some hopes

ph: unknown


I just can't let go, because today I still need you, I still miss you. And I wonder how I can still miss you, it´s been 3 months since the last time I saw you, 6 weeks since the last time we talked in FB, 2 weeks since the last time I heard your voice and 10 days since the last time I saw you passing through. I guess there´s the answer, in all this time I just haven’t stopped myself from thinking about you, but the thing is that I don't want to. I don’t want to leave you back, I don’t want to keep our story in the past, between all the other memories I don't mean to treasure. With you everything was different, it was all beautiful. And even though these months I've only suffered with your absence I would not have done anything different, every moment spent with you was worth it. You words is the thing I miss the most, how you talked to me, and you always let me know how much you loved me, I even remember that time we started fighting over who love who more, and I asked you, why did you think you loved me more, and you just answered "cause you love him too"… wow, you left me speechless, I didn’t knew what to say in that moment, really.

We did it all wrong, I loved you when I loved someone else too and you loved me when you weren't supposed to. And still I don’t regret a thing, every moment spent with you was worth it, worth the suffering I've been through this past months. Though there is one thing I still don't get, why did you leave? Because I KNOW you did love me, I know those kisses, those hugs, were real. The way you looked at me, I know you don’t look at anyone else the same way, with those beautiful eyes, telling me that you cared for me. I know that you wouldn't have given to anyone your heart, and you gave it to me, without doubting it.

And even though I know all those things, there are times I still question them, because you left, taking my heart with you. You left without caring how I felt, and thinking how just saying “Stop loving me, I´m not the guy for you” would solve everything. Today, it still hasn’t solved anything.

Every day I think of you, I go back to those days I saw love in your eyes, now I just see a stranger. A stranger I don’t want to get to know. I want to say goodbye, I want to stop thinking about you.

And the worst part is that even though I want to leave you behind, I still have some hopes, that one day we will meet again, and this time, we will have our love story.

- C

Chủ Nhật, 29 tháng 1, 2012

Thứ Bảy, 28 tháng 1, 2012

no power like that of first love

ph: M. Klasan


There’s no power like that of first love. Before it happens, your heart is a blank canvas, an unwritten story. That’s what I was until I met you.

You rattled parts of me that I didn’t even know existed. You showed me a kind of happiness that I had no idea I was capable of feeling. You made me feel wanted, you made me feel needed. You taught me so much, and you exploded my world. A few months of walking on sunshine like that and nothing will ever look the same to me again.

Now it's over, and I'm halfway across the world. My canvas is a mess, splattered with wild blotches of colour, barely any bits of white left. My pages are overflowing with words strung together into sentences, stained with ink blotches, creased and torn. Scrubbing may free up some space but it will never get rid of the traces. Every other mark made for the rest of my life will be compared to and intertwined with the ones left by you.

It doesn’t help when I think about the ways you hurt me. It doesn’t matter when I remember how I gave so much more than you ever did. I’m indifferent to how many times people tell me I deserve better. My brain and my heart still disagree. I can’t just go back to the time before I knew the warmth and comfort of your arms, your brown eyes that can melt glaciers, your silent chuckle, and your beating heart, with its stupid leaking bicuspid valve that forced you to stop playing soccer.

Nothing will ever match how safe I felt belonging to you, because only in the aftermath do I now understand that I’m not safe belonging to anybody. Love takes courage. You are forced to become vulnerable, to face and surrender the most fragile parts of yourself. It’s impossible to do it with the same naïve, reckless abandon the second or third time around.

I don't know what this summer will bring, but all I can hope for is the strength to deal with it when the time comes. There’s no power like that of first love. I may not have been yours, but you were mine, and for that I know that I will always, always love you.

- A

Thứ Sáu, 27 tháng 1, 2012

we'd go crazy without each other

unknown source via weheartit -- tumblr_ly1xldbwo51qa4pgdo1_500_largee
unknown source -- tumblr_ly5h8g7cjU1qe0rbuo1_500_large
weheartit + unknown

Thứ Năm, 26 tháng 1, 2012

we left it so open

ph:katrina shafer

*original photo from Fokko van der Leest was removed

New Years Eve:
That's when we met. And it was cliche. And it was reckless. And it was.... amazing.

I took hold of his hand and that was it, something inside me clicked. The way his eyes met mine, and his butterfly stirring smile was enough to make my knees weak, and once he kissed me I knew I was done.

We kept in touch everyday after that night, and he even came and visited me this past weekend. I was so incredibly nervous for him to come, but the moment I opened my door he took me into his arms and kissed me, and all my nerves disappeared. We had an amazing weekend, drinking, laughing, laying in bed until 2 in the afternoon, and exchanging stories about our lives. But sadly it had to end, and he had to leave. And that's where this real life fairy tale falls short.

Where do we go from here? I have an extra year of school left, and he is moving across the country. He said I should come visit, but who knows when I will be able to. He admitted to being disappointed about our "bad timing." Which is exactly what this is....horrible timing. I want to know where this could go, it's like I need to know what could happen in this story, but I am being forced to wait, and it is driving me insane. Not knowing when I will see him again breaks my heart, and it makes me feel crazy because I barely know him, but I don't care, all I know is that I want to know more and more about him, I want to spend more time with him and figure this out. It's like I have taken a drug and I will soon need my next fix, but I will be unable to get it, and that literally makes me feel sick.

There is a part of me that regrets letting this grow after New Years, why did we have to continue to talk? Why did I invite him to come stay with me. Why did he actually come? Why? Why? Why?

Because we both couldn't shake the feeling that there is something strong between what happens next? We didn't make plans, we decided to wing it, but I hate that. I hate that we left it so open...

Thứ Tư, 25 tháng 1, 2012

i still love you

unknown source via weheart it,

I tried. I went to see other hoping to find better. To try to forget your kisses, the softness of your skin, your smell, your eyes, your face. But it became worse. And it hurts. And despite what you did to me, I can not hate you. I hate not being able to forget, but I can not help it if I still love you.
I miss you K.


Thứ Hai, 23 tháng 1, 2012

Chủ Nhật, 22 tháng 1, 2012

maybe. maybe never.

Tea Shafie,
tea shafie

We met by accident but fell in love on purpose. We were each other's first, and we've been through it all. Three break ups and reconciliations later, here we are. We haven't seen each other since the summer but text occasionally. It's like we are too afraid to see each other, in fear of falling for each other once again and started another disaster.

We've both been with people since, but we haven't fallen again. I asked you once if we couldn't walk away from each other because we're not over or because we were each other's first, to which you replied "both". You'll always have part of my heart but right now I need to walk away. 2012 isn't about a new chapter, but rather writing a new book.

I can't keep guilting myself because of what has happened since we were us...especially that thing that happened without my consent. I'll never know the real reason why you said the things you did, but you did. I didn't wish you a happy new year, because it is unfair to me to talk to you knowing that it would be the first and last text of the year. I don't know what lies ahead for me, but I know it isn't you.

I don't believe that everything happens for a reason or what is meant to be will be. But I have faith in myself, and in my soul, that things will work out in the end. However, I do admit, that sometimes I wish that things had worked out, and that I hadn't slowly fall out of love with you. If I had been with you, then he wouldn't of taken advantage of me and did what he did. Sometimes I wonder if that's why you opted out of my life.

I'll never know how you feel, or if you still think about me. I don't know if the things you once said is still felt today but what I do know is that I can't keep doing this to myself.

You were my first love, and will never be forgotten but right now I need to put everything down and walk away. It hurts too much to try to put everything back together.

Maybe it'll be a month, a year, a decade that we'll see each other again...or maybe never. But right now, I need to focus on me and rediscovering who I am again.

I'm sorry for those tears you shed, and I'm sorry for hurting you but I need to stop punishing myself.


Thứ Bảy, 21 tháng 1, 2012

Thứ Sáu, 20 tháng 1, 2012

thank you

unknown source via we heartit,

'I love you' is a phrase overused and easily misunderstood. Saying it is all too easy. I'd like to try 'I Thank You' instead. Here is my submission, at 4h29am. I've had no sleep.

You’ve combed my hair when it’s been all in knots; you’ve rubbed my feet when they’ve ached. When I’ve been distressed, or hurt, or disappointed in my friends and in myself, you have stayed on the line to comfort me. You’re never afraid of silences. When I hang up you wait a minute and call right back, without a word of resentment or criticism, just quiet understanding. It’s as if you can sense what I’m feeling and you know just when to call. The most extraordinary thing about you is that as much as I push you away in my spells of anger or distress, you’ll stay right there, unmoving. You’re so stubbornly devoted to me that I wish every day that I had the same patience, wisdom and integrity as you. Never a single grudge have you held. Not once. Not ever. I know I haven’t been easy, but you always help me come round. Sometimes I fear I have little to give you in return for your enduring kindness and love. I can be cold, distant, reactive. I know that you find my conflicted nature challenging, but you never give up on me, even long after I’ve decided to give up on myself. With gentle, firm words you tell me to snap out of it. That’s all I ever needed. Thank you. I don’t know what else to say.

Thứ Tư, 18 tháng 1, 2012

Thứ Ba, 17 tháng 1, 2012

to find someone new

girl bed love blog photo photography sad alone
ph: Stefany Alves

I have thought about it many times.
Perhaps mostly because everyone besides myself seems to wonder when I'm going to find someone new. But I don't let it get to me. I'm not looking for someone new. I'm far from ready and I don't want to be in a relationship. I just started to let go of my previous one.

There is a time for everything, and now is my time to heal. To grow strong and be whole in myself. Learn to live with myself, my scars and my memories. Learn how to always feel safe within and not let that one single frightened voice in my head (the ego) stop me from having an open heart and dare to love unlimited.

What has been, has been. What is now is now. The rest is still unwritten.

Thứ Hai, 16 tháng 1, 2012

no one

love quote no one is ever going to love you like i do love blog love photo,
ph: shhh + weheartit

Chủ Nhật, 15 tháng 1, 2012

a kind of girl who can't decide

One way or another decisions undecided decision choice  choices love blog love photo,
ph: the berry

My heart is beating so fast, when you look at me...
Let's start from the beginning...

I am in a relationship with a boy. A great boy for about 6 years. I fell in love with him when I was in High School. Things where not always great, we are a normal couple. Now I am a student and I moved out to another city 4 years ago. Everything was normal, we saw each other every weekend or rare, I hadn't much time, I was still studying. On the 3rd year I started 2nd faculty. And maybe it was my mistake...

At the end of 1st term, one guy who was looking at me from time to time was sitting and waiting for the Professor. I was certain that he is attending with me to other subject, so I decided to ask about something. He smiled widely, and when I saw his blue eyes I couldn't say anything more. That was the first time I talked with Tony. It was about one year ago. This ordinary boy made a revolution in my heart. We started talk, more and more often. Everytime I see him, he is so happy, he is smiling to me. I noticed he is touching my hand and saying "hi!" Tony is also traveling a lot and I think he has a little understanding for me and my live out of a suitcase.
(My Dad and Grandfather live in other country, I travel a lot since I was born).

When he is sitting next to me I got crazy. His smell, his voice, his apperance, his lips... I always STARE at him. I suppose that he noticed that. I can't stop thinking about him. When I get e-mails from him I'm so happy as stupid child! I am smiling to myself like a full! But he never asked me to go out. I wondered why, couse I'm not a kind of ugly girl, some people says that I am beauty...

What if he did? Should I go? I probably would go... PROBABLY. I know that he's so cute and nice, girls loves him...

I started to have dreams with Tony. Once uppon time I was at awful party with friends from my university, but Tony wasn't there. I had a dream that I was wearing same short white dress, I was at the same party and I wanted to escape, people around me were angry and rude, but Tony came and took me from this mess, then we got into his car and drove away. He was my hero.I am felling appaling regret all a time for my feelings...

I decided to focus onto my relationship with Wade and end up this ridiculous situation in my head&heart. But I stared to see how imperfect Wade was. Our interest were different, he was living in other city, he was far away when I was crying. Also I still remember how bad he used to be, how difficult he was sometimes. I invited Wade and he came to my flat for weekend before Christmas, he was waiting for me till I end my classes. Then we went on a date. We slept in one bed, but my thoughts were far away with Tony. I dreamed about him again. The worst thing was, that Wade was beside me. Tony was waving and smiling to me.

Yesterday I had another dream that we were sitting opposite each other and drinking coffee, looking into our eyes deeply with love. I have a problem with my dreams and reality. I read an interview with Johny Deep, he said: " If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second."

But still I have my Mum's words in my head: "if he wants you, he'll come across river, sea, ocean and he'll be there for you". That's the only reason I can't even move towards him. Me and my pride. Forever and always. I am a kind of girl who can't decide what dress to buy -white or black? Always buying two. It's killing me inside.

Sorry for my english - it's my 3rd language.

Thứ Bảy, 14 tháng 1, 2012

Những mẩu chuyện Phá chấp

1. Núi chẳng dời thì ta dời!
núi dời...
Một ngày nọ đám đệ tử ham thích thần thông hỏi sư phụ:
- Đệ tử: Thầy ơi, thầy chỉ tụi con thuật di sơn đảo hải (dời non lấp biển) đi.
- Sư phụ: Được, vậy các con hãy đứng đây, chú tâm nhìn vào ngọn núi đằng kia... Thầy sẽ làm cho nó xích lại gần ta.
Đám đệ tử tập trung dòm núi suốt 3 ngày 3 đêm mà chẳng thấy có tác dụng gì cả,... khi thấy sư phụ từ trong nhà thong thả đi ra thì liền nhao nhao lên:
- Đệ tử: Thầy ơi, sao chẳng thấy ngọn núi đó động đậy gì cả vậy?
- Sư phụ: Vô dụng, vô dụng! Các con tu tập bao lâu rồi mà vẫn còn chấp cái ngọn núi!?!
- Đệ tử: Dạ chúng con không hiểu ạ.
- Sư phụ: Vậy thì đi theo ta, ta sẽ chỉ cho thấy.
Sau khi dẫn đám đệ tự cố chấp đến chân núi, sư phụ dừng lại bảo:
- Sư phụ: Các con đã thấy núi xích lại gần ta chưa?
- Đệ tử: Dạ gần, nhưng đó là do Thầy đi đó chứ...
- Sư phụ: Cố chấp, cố chấp! Chẳng phải là núi không thể dời đi, nhưng để dời nó đi một li, ta phải tốn công gấp tỉ lần ta đi tới nó. Vậy sao cứ phải cố chấp vào việc núi dời chi vậy?!

2. Chân lý tuyệt đối là cái lý có chân!

Hôm nọ, một đệ tử thích lôgic hỏi sư phụ:
- Đệ tử: Thưa thầy, con tu tập bao lâu rồi mà vẫn chưa tìm ra được cái chân lý tuyệt đối! :(
- Sư phụ: Vậy từ đó giờ con có thấy cái gì là hoàn toàn đúng không thể chối cãi được không?
- Đệ tử: Dạ có.
- Sư phụ: Con thử kể một cái như vậy ra xem.
- Đệ tử: Dạ, ví như chuyện sanh-tử, không có ai sinh ra đời rồi mà không chết đi cả.
- Sư phụ: Vậy đó chính là chân lý rồi đó thôi.
- Đệ tử: Nhưng thưa Thầy, chân lý đó chưa là tuyệt đối, vì có người nói là có thể trường sinh bất lão. Thậm chí có người còn đưa ra bằng chứng về một người sống suốt mấy ngàn năm nay vẫn chưa chết.
- Sư phụ: Vậy con có tin không?
- Đệ tử: Dạ con không tin, nhưng không có cách nào phản bác họ được.
- Sư phụ: Con tin, tức đó là chân lý của con vậy.
- Đệ tử: Dạ thưa... Nếu chỉ là chân lý của con thì sao gọi là tuyệt đối được ạ?!
- Sư phụ: Cố chấp! Cái "chân lý tuyệt đối" con tìm chẳng qua chỉ là cái lý có chân mà thôi!
- Đệ tử: Dạ, xin thầy giảng cho con được rõ hơn ạ.
- Sư phụ: Này nhé, ta có thể đưa ra một chân lý khác mà nhiều người chấp nhận hơn, và cho đến hết đời này con cũng không tìm ra được ai phản đối nó cả, nhưng đó cũng chẳng thể tuyệt đối như con muốn được. Chân lý là sản phẩm của con người, là phát biểu của con người về thế giới, tất phải phụ thuộc vào người / nhóm người phát biểu nó. Hễ khi nào con còn chấp vào hai chữ "tuyệt đối" thì chẳng bao giờ con tìm ra được chân lý, hoặc là chúng nó phải có chân để chạy đi từ người này qua người khác, từ quan điểm này qua quan điềm khác vậy.

Thứ Sáu, 13 tháng 1, 2012

the lovesick

love photo happy happiness joy image,
ph: Quyen Nghia

we are the lovesick. the fearless ones. the never giving up.
the hearts undone. sick with the desire to love. to live so far
beyond the boundaries given to us. we are the fence-hopping
fools who never stopped to read the signs. the ones that left
the world behind. like dreams we've drawn in neon light. just
moments in the sea of time. we are the lost ones wandering.
the soon to be smoldering. last to be found. the first to fall and
fail to fly then shatter on the ground. we are the rebels running
wild through a darkness that can swallow us. but we've set fire
to our souls. burning brilliant blinding gold. the flames that illuminate
our lonely road. our futures holding fates untold. we are the
ever-refusing to fold. to fade away or worse to lose. the few that
bend and break apart the cages of our rules. born desperate for the
promise of the mystery unknown. we are the lovesick. and just like
the sun we will always rise. hope still shining in our eyes..
- Jason Reeves.

I have the courage to love.. And I will love you forever.

Thứ Năm, 12 tháng 1, 2012

Thứ Tư, 11 tháng 1, 2012

who will love the girl

ph: Film Fancier

I haven't fallen in love yet. I'm only eighteen, still a baby, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it so badly.

As my second semester of college comes around the corner, I cannot help but think "will he be in this room?", as I walk into new classes; a clean slate, they don't know me and I don't know them.
Believe it when it's said, I'm not desperate nor do I need a boyfriend. Believe it when it's said, I just want to know what it feels like, to have someone in which you can be 100% yourself, that will love all your flaws as you love his or hers.

You see i am a sucker for books, and sappy stories, though I do not like showing it. Both happy endings and tragic endings appeal to me because the characters in stories always feel something nonetheless. Dreaming is all I have ever known.

So I'm terrified that I'll be one of those girls who never falls in love because it hasn't happened yet. I'm also terrified that I'll be one of those girls who falls for anyone just to see if love could be found there.

Who will love the girl who loves getting lost in a book,
chasing those fantasies that only exist in her mind?

Who will love the girl who suddenly gets quiet because she got a bad vibe,
so it ruins her whole day?

Who will love the girl who gets lost is her train of thoughts and will never be able to tell you why she got lost in the first place?

Who will love the girl who yearns for those midnight talks about life and what it has to bring?
Who will love the girl?

I know that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. Younger, older, wiser: there are many of us. It's a scary concept, love, but I still want to feel it.


Thứ Ba, 10 tháng 1, 2012

Chủ Nhật, 8 tháng 1, 2012


fault love image love photo,
ph: weheartit

I just found out the love of my life has a new girl, and this is what my fingers typed when I told myself to speak out my feelings.

"It's not his fault"

It's not his fault I fell for him. It's not his fault he was my perfect fit. At some point all the weight of guilt would fall on me, because it's my fault I fell for someone who didn't love me back. It's my fault I ache every night when I think of him, and it's my fault I gave him everything without regretting anything. It's my fault for feeling the most incredible, indescribable, immense love towards him. It's all my fault. And I'm paying for it.

Thứ Năm, 5 tháng 1, 2012

missed connections

missed connections love image love photo the new yorker missed connection,
missed connections missed connection love image love quote love photo,
ph: the new yorker + weheartit

Thứ Tư, 4 tháng 1, 2012

a stranger i cant wait to know

a stranger i can't wait to know love image love photo couple pool hall,
ph: weheartit

as long as i can remember ive always been searching for "the one." romance novels, disney fairytales, and hollywood chick flicks have put images of white knights and prince charmings in my head that realistically dont exist. alas the hopeless romantic, emphasis on hopeless, that i am keeps her eyes peeled in case one magically walked through a magic mirror into this world searching for me too.

in the past ive gone to many lengths to meet my soul mate. utilizing online dating, missed connection sites, blind dates... yet they all end in failure. in most cases my overzealous heart either mistakes him for someone hes not, or scares them away. and yet no matter how many times my heart has been chipped, dropped, and broken, i continue to pick up the pieces and tape them together again and move on with my search.

more recently i took a step back. trying to rearrange my priorities and get the rest of my life in a place that makes me happy. its taken about a year but i feel im finally there. i know who my true friends are and i make time to invest in them. i have a career i love with all my heart and work for a company i truly believe in. i could hit the gym more often but thats not really impairing my happiness too much. im living with my parents, which isnt the ideal situation, but the 3 of us are getting along well and im closer to my goal of savings to get out on my own again soon! but no matter what i do for myself, no matter how many spa days i allow, big pay checks i get, or pounds i loose, theres still something missing. and that is him. the one. my prince charming. my hero.

BUT LOW AND BEHOLD!!! a few weeks ago, i was minding my own business at dillards and there he was. i had just gotten off work, i was exhausted and disheveled, and decided to swing by the mall to grab a few things. i had parked in the parking area i always park in and as i was leaving to head home i walked by the holiday decor. with my mothers santa clause collection in mind i popped in to see if there may be a santa she couldnt live without. sure enough, Irish Santa popped out and i commenced my search to find one to buy. of course i couldnt so i went to look for help. approaching the first dillards employee i could find i found my heart start to race. my cheeks flush. my voice retreating. he was the most handsome man ive ever laid my eyes on. now if you remember prince charming is typically described as "tall, dark, and handsome" he fits this mold in his own quirky way. he is tall. not too tall though. perfectly tall. hes strong and fit. in a way that when he wraps his arms around me i feel safe and protected. smaller. i feel like a space was saved for me in those arms of his. oh is he handsome. i believe the term for him is "silver fox." ugh is it sexy. he wears his silver locks in a Madmen style, classic and chic. his smile makes sparks fire within my soul. his eyes are like deep, endless pools that i could loose myself in for hours. oh how i long for him now... even now he distracts me. but anyways, back to the story. i asked him for help finding santa. as he went to the stock room to search i frantically found a mirror and quickly applied lipstick, powder, and let down my hair... my crazy attempt to make myself more attractive for him. oh did i mention he was wearing the cutest red bow tie?! ugh! as he returned he wrapped up my gift and we began to chat. well, he was chatting, i was flirting. we took notice of each others tattoos and learned we were both of irish decent. it was a short lived encounter that i will never forget. he won me over in 5 measly minutes. without even trying. i left the mall with only the name tony to go by. but i HAD to know him. know who he is. what hes about. everything about him. i wanted him in my life from that very moment.

jump ahead past the crazy stalker faze i had when i got home that night frantically searching for him via internet. its amazing how easy it is to find someone if you really want to. so you can guess... i found him, emailed him, and anxiously waited for a response. i soon learned he was more than willing to start a friendship, but the air soon deflated from my bubble when i learned he was seeing someone. *le sigh*

jump ahead again, its only been perhaps 2 weeks. and we are friends. but i have fallen head over heels for him. without a doubt, deep for him. my heart feels as though it has finally found its counterpart. the last piece to my puzzle. my white knight. (as i type this my phone makes is typical text message sound and my heart jumps as i see its from him :) ) hes the man ive been dreaming of my whole life. i know without a doubt, deep in my soul, that he is the most wonderful man ive ever met. his touch makes my stomach tighten. his smile lights me on fire. when he speaks i want to savor every story. i long to feel what his lips feel like. what his breath tastes like. to be as close as possible to his body.

when im apart from him it feels as though my heart has a string tied around it. and he holds the other end. my heart feels like it is being pulled towards this man. this man that i honestly dont know. hes still very much a stranger. a stranger i cant wait to know deeply, inside and out.

Thứ Hai, 2 tháng 1, 2012

Chủ Nhật, 1 tháng 1, 2012

i hate you. i love you. i miss you.

ph: Esben Bøg

Dear you,

I hate
...that you call me.
...that you belong to someone else.
...myself or leaving.
...myself for never telling you how I feel.

I love for everything you are.
...the memories you created with me.

I miss
...the way you smile
...our long conversations
...playing video games
...cocktails at our favorite bar

I hate you. I love you. I miss you...